The Stupid Tax by MT Noggin

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The Stupid Tax
by MT Noggin

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(Whistlin'.)
That melodic whistlin' must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
I do have a thicker skull than most people. Maybe that's why my mama named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
Mr. MT Noggin at yer service.

(more Whistlin')

The Stupid Tax

by MT Noggin


We really are a pathetic bunch of goons.

I don't like paying taxes any more than the next MT Noggin, but when someone tells us we have got to have insurance, we kinda get crazy.

It's called the individual mandate, and congress voted to make me and you have insurance. It don't mean we have to change the insurance we got if we got it, and if'n yur on Medicare or Medicaid, that won't change none neither.

This individual mandate means about ten million people who ain't got insurance are gonna have to buy it. If they can't afford it, they may get a subsidy. Which means you and me pay fer it.

I mean we pay fer it anyway, so I don't know why ever'one is up in arms. What is really gettin' me excited is if this here Supreme Court says it's unconstitutional, I'm hopin' we can get federal taxes struck down.

If the government cain't tell me to buy insurance, how can it make me pay federal tax? Or social security. Or FICA. Or federal gas tax at the pump. Or the federal communications tax on my phone. I'm jist glad their ain't a federal air-breathin' tax, but don't give them shysters in Worshington any idears.

Wouldn't it be great if there warn't no federal dime to pay. I guess then we might not have things like medicare or medicaid, or good roads or fresh air ta breathe.

I think when those nine people in the funny robes get to thinkin' about it, they'll realize jist how many times they dip into our pockets. And if they tell the government they can't dip into my pocket, I might get some hair brained idear to get rid of all those special opportunities to make the country a better place by paying our fair share, except those who don't have to pay it.... Well, I got off the track a bit and don't know jist where that train was headed.

Here's why we are a bunch a goons. We jist got through with another round of the stupid tax, where millions of Americans who hate to pay taxes plunk down their dollar for the stupid tax.

What are you talkin' about MT, you may be sayin'?

I call it the stupid tax, since people who can afford it the least pay it without a second thought all around the country, eager fer their chance at the long shot. You might call it the lottery.

This last round of insanity generated about half a billion dollars in prize money, which means the lottery people made about a billion, too. Remember, in the lottery, half the money goes to schools and states and other things that most of us are too cheap to fund with a tax.

But the stupid tax is one of the ways we tax ourselves and don't complain too much. We're sad when we don't win, and we're happy for those who do win, and we don't think much about how stupid it is to expect to win.

Those who are smart enough to do the calculations said that this last round of stupid tax was a good example. Now remember, if'n you don't buy a ticket yer chances of winning are zero. You won't be wastin' yer dollar, but you also get no chance of winnin'.

So what was the chances of winnin' the last stupid tax drawing? Well, if you bought a ticket, you had a one in one hundred and seventy-seven million chance of winnin', which again is better than not havin' any chance at all.

But there's about three hundred million plus people in the U. S. of A., so that means outta all the people in the country, two have the chance to win. I heard three people won the last round of "here's my dollar 'cause I'm too stupid to believe in statistics" insanity. And remember, the chance of gettin' struck by lightnin' in your lifetime is about one in three thousand.

But you an' I both know, when you tell a person everyone in the country except two people are about to die, you can bet that the person will say those two people who are gunna live be you and that other person. It's jist the way we think. Bad things happen to everyone else, but they ain't gonna happen to me. It's the only way to explain smokin'. Or chewin' tabbacy.

Now if'n we could jist talk the government into lettin' all of us pay our federal dues in a lottery, where two or three of us could get a bunch of money back, well then there won't be any complainin'. There'r just be big long lines of us beggin' for someone to take our money so we can pay our stupid tax and hope to win.

It may be the way to finance the future of this great nation, or my name ain't MT Noggin.

So next time you complain about payin' taxes, remember the alternative. There is one way to escape the madness, but being six feet underground ain't much fun.

So this is MT Noggin here, remindin' you that we all got another day today to love and learn and laugh unless we didn't, and if that's the case, you ain't listenin' to this rantin' and ravin'. That's right, we all get one more day, until we don't.

Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin hisself.


Mare eat oats and does eat oats and little lambs eat ivy,

A kid'll eat ivy, too, wouldn't you?

(Even more whistlin'.)


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Abundance -- now an app at the Android Store!! -- click here to download.

Go to Simple Helix for the best web hosting!!


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Subscription through Paypal Click here to subscribe for 99 cents a month -- first week FREE!! Keep this website funded by donating today!!

Same But Different by MT Noggin

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That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.

I've descended from a long line of prestigious Noggins, and my momma said I was resolutely tough. Maybe that's why she named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.

Mr. MT Noggin at yer service.



Same but Different

I shouldn't get so upset, but it seems to me we are all just a bunch of fools. High-falutin' advertizin' has fooled me before, and I just wanted to share today some of the things I've learned as I've been fooled outta more money than I’ve ever made.

Now I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I am smart enough to read the labels on packages, as I so ably demonstrated with those deceptive Girl Scout cookies.

But most of us are content to pop those pills from the pharmacy without a second thought. But you may want to start readin' then labels, since you are being hogswaggled everytime you buy them headache pills.

I can't mention the name of this famous migraine and headache medication, but suffice it to say it's probly one of the best sellin' on the market.

But if you take the time to git one package of the extra-strength and hold it next to the migraine package, you are gonna find out somethin' amazin'.

Two different products, right?

Two different labels, marked for different purposes, right?

Then will someone please explain to me why these two different products made by the same company have the exact same ingredients?

That's right. Look close at those labels, and you'll see they are the exact same formulation, down to the extry caffeinne.

Talk about a placebo effect. We buy something we think is gonna help us, and because we believe it is gonna help us, it does.

And don't forgit that caffeine. These little pills have got more git up and go than a can of Coca-cola. Each.

Let's examine these labels a little closer. Each pill contains 65 milligrams of caffeine, which is the same as a 12 ounce caffeinated soda.

I really like the kick when I drink a Coke and take a couple of headachy pills with the extra caffeinne. I feel like I could climb Mr. Everest.

So, not that I'm complainin', but it is funny to me that we don't really pay all that much attention to what we eat and drink.

And don't git me started about the fat content in most of the food, and the fact that most of the food we eat has something called maltodextrine.

I don't know what it is, but anything with the word malt in it is okay by me. Put in an extra scoop for me, cause there ain't nothin' I like better than a tall, ice-cream malt shake. Especially if'n it contains bananaers and chocolate.

But enough about my expandin' waist. They say an adult is someone who has stopped growing up and down, but not sideways.

Here's one to check out. You may like that tall glass o' chocolate milk, but you might want to check first to see if it contains carrageenan.

Accordin' to an internet article on the Learnin' Channel, this popular food thickener is considered a gum.

That's okay so far. I like gum. And thickenin' food up ain't no sin in my book.

But what you may not know is this particular food comes from the Atlantic Ocean. Still okay in my book.

Take some of this delicious food, boil it a bit, and that thickenin' agent we've been talking about appears. It is natural, and it is in a lot of foods we are eatin', and not just in that chocolate milk.

Ready for the big surprise? Did you guess what carageenan is? It's a food thickenin' agent made outta seaweed.

That's right. Seaweed. Extracted and plopped into somethin' you probably ate today.

I never thought I'd be eatin' seaweed. I mean, I ain't got nothin' against eatin' seaweed if you want to eat it, but I don't know how I feel about it bein' sneaked into my food.

Maybe it's better if I quit readin' those packages. I think I know what milk sugar, chocolate, cocoa butter, and milk fat are, but I don't think I want a short course on why my Hershey's Chocolate Bar has alkali, lactose, soy lecithin, pgpr, vanillin and artificial flavor.

I might find out pgpr and the artificial flavor is what I like best about my favorite candy bar.

And don't get me started about why it costs so much more today than when I was a young pup.



Mares eat oats

And does eat oats

And little lambs eat ivy

A kid’ll eat ivy too

Wouldn’t you?



Jist remember, you heard it here first from Mr. MT Noggin.

Abundance -- now an app at the Android Store!! -- click here to download.

Go to Simple Helix for the best web hosting!!

Listen to live episodes of “Abundance” every Sunday night
on K-talk radio at 7 PM MST (9 PM EST, 6 PM PST)

Subscription through Paypal
Click here to subscribe for 99 cents a month -- first week FREE!!
Keep this website funded by donating today!!

Cookie Conspiracy by MT Noggin

LITERATURE OUT LOUD

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Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece.


That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.


"Mark my word", said my momma.
"That boy has one long-stickin' unsightliness."
That might be why she named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
MT Noggin at yer service.





Cookie Conspiracy



It's a mystery to me why this country allows such a blatant disregard for American health. Tiny bands of little terrorists marching around making the citizens of the United States dangerously obese.

The number one killer in the US of A is heart disease, also caused by those little monsters in official uniforms, as they spread this deadly contagion from sea to shining sea.

You may have already be a victim of this pernicious plot, and in fact, this serious threat to our way of life is so engrained in our American culture that you may be considered unpatriotic if you are not participating.

MT, you may be sayin', what are you goin' on about now? Communism is dead, well, except in China, and North Korea, and Venezuela, and except in Cuba. But that Soviet Union threat, that has definitely been eradicated. Sorta. Until you look real close at Putin.

But the threat I'm talkin' about comes from our very own. not from another country, but from our own flesh and blood.

What's up my craw, you may be askin'? Well, the next time you get yerself one of those thin mints in between your teeth, you may want to stop and think.

Why are the Girl Scouts of America bent on the destruction of this great country? You know you've been eatin' those Samoans, those Tagalongs, and those tasty, tasty Thin Mints.

Well, hold on to yer hats, 'cause after a thorough investigation, I am sad to report today that the Girls Scouts are trying to kill us. I read through those mandatory statements now included on every box, those messages to us about how destructive what we eat really is.

Did you know four Thin Mints is twenty-five percent of yer daily requirement of fat? That means you can depend on yer complete fat intake for the day if you eat sixteen of them. And did you know there are thirty or so in a box?

Now admit it. You have eaten a whole box of thin mints in one sitting. I'm man enough to admit I've done it. Now, it wasn't the proudest moment in my life, but that very day I ate enough fat from one box to meet my daily fat intake for two days. Good with a tall glass of milk.

But I digress. When these little uniformed menaces to our country knock on your door, there is no way any real American can say no without being suspect.

What do you mean you don't support the Girl Scouts? Well then, you probably don't like apple pie, which I will admit I'm not supposed to eat. Yer probably one of those people who hate the American flag, and throw it away in the trash every time it's printed in yer newspaper.

You probably even hate yer mother. But that's something you should probably discuss with a certified mental health provider.

What I'm yakkin' on about is those deadly little round treats peddled to the entire USA, with the sole intent of gettin' us fat and happy so we relax until it's too late.

I guess there is one thing to be grateful about. This national tragedy happens only once a year. One time every spring the collective nation puts on four or five pounds a piece, which realistically should put the earth out of balance and cause the world to explode.

But that's a topic for another program.

What are we going to do about it? Eat fewer cookies? Turn away the Girl Scouts? I don’t think so, but do I have good news.

Facing criticism from fat critics, the Girl Scouts have developed a lower fat cookie for those unable to resist.

These new lemon delicacies should help those truly addicted to cut back in reasonable amounts. Like down to a box a day.

The other good news is eventually they are all eaten, and you don't have to fret no more. Stay strong though the rest of March, and the worst of it should be over.

Or you could eat the lemon cookies.

Course, I won't be eatin' them. They look like cardboard.

Now pass me one of them peanut butter chocolate missiles of death.

Next week, I be rantin' and ravin' about all the time I wasted in my youth watchin' TV, when I could have waited until now to watch "Leave it to Beaver"on Hulu.

Either that or why it gives me such great satisfaction to hear another radio station playing the top forty by Casey Kasum from some random year in the seventies.

Now that's some good music.



Mares eat oats

And does eat oats

And little lambs eat ivy

A kid’ll eat ivy too

Wouldn’t you?



Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin.

Abundance -- now an app at the Android Store!! -- click here to download.

Go to Simple Helix for the best web hosting!!

Listen to live episodes of “Abundance” every Sunday night
on K-talk radio at 7 PM MST (9 PM EST, 6 PM PST)

Subscription through Paypal
Click here to subscribe for 99 cents a month -- first week FREE!!
Keep this website funded by donating today!!

Click on the player below to hear the audio version of this piece.

That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
"Mark my word", said my momma."That boy has one long-stickin' unsightliness."
That might be why she named me Markus Tenacious Noggin.
MT Noggin at yer service.


Cookie Conspiracy

It's a mystery to me why this country allows such a blatant disregard for American health. Tiny bands of little terrorists marching around making the citizens of the United States dangerously obese.
The number one killer in the US of A is heart disease, also caused by those little monsters in official uniforms, as they spread this deadly contagion from sea to shining sea.
You may have already be a victim of this pernicious plot, and in fact, this serious threat to our way of life is so engrained in our American culture that you may be considered unpatriotic if you are not participating.
MT, you may be sayin', what are you goin' on about now? Communism is dead, well, except in China, and North Korea, and Venezuela, and except in Cuba. But that Soviet Union threat, that has definitely been eradicated. Sorta. Until you look real close at Putin.
But the threat I'm talkin' about comes from our very own. not from another country, but from our own flesh and blood.
What's up my craw, you may be askin'? Well, the next time you get yerself one of those thin mints in between your teeth, you may want to stop and think.
Why are the Girl Scouts of America bent on the destruction of this great country? You know you've been eatin' those Samoans, those Tagalongs, and those tasty, tasty Thin Mints.
Well, hold on to yer hats, 'cause after a thorough investigation, I am sad to report today that the Girls Scouts are trying to kill us. I read through those mandatory statements now included on every box, those messages to us about how destructive what we eat really is.
Did you know four Thin Mints is twenty-five percent of yer daily requirement of fat? That means you can depend on yer complete fat intake for the day if you eat sixteen of them. And did you know there are thirty or so in a box?
Now admit it. You have eaten a whole box of thin mints in one sitting. I'm man enough to admit I've done it. Now, it wasn't the proudest moment in my life, but that very day I ate enough fat from one box to meet my daily fat intake for two days. Good with a tall glass of milk.
But I digress. When these little uniformed menaces to our country knock on your door, there is no way any real American can say no without being suspect.
What do you mean you don't support the Girl Scouts? Well then, you probably don't like apple pie, which I will admit I'm not supposed to eat. Yer probably one of those people who hate the American flag, and throw it away in the trash every time it's printed in yer newspaper.
You probably even hate yer mother. But that's something you should probably discuss with a certified mental health provider.
What I'm yakkin' on about is those deadly little round treats peddled to the entire USA, with the sole intent of gettin' us fat and happy so we relax until it's too late.
I guess there is one thing to be grateful about. This national tragedy happens only once a year. One time every spring the collective nation puts on four or five pounds a piece, which realistically should put the earth out of balance and cause the world to explode.
But that's a topic for another program.
What are we going to do about it? Eat fewer cookies? Turn away the Girl Scouts? I don’t think so, but do I have good news.
Facing criticism from fat critics, the Girl Scouts have developed a lower fat cookie for those unable to resist.
These new lemon delicacies should help those truly addicted to cut back in reasonable amounts. Like down to a box a day.
The other good news is eventually they are all eaten, and you don't have to fret no more. Stay strong though the rest of March, and the worst of it should be over.
Or you could eat the lemon cookies.
Course, I won't be eatin' them. They look like cardboard.
Now pass me one of them peanut butter chocolate missiles of death.
Next week, I be rantin' and ravin' about all the time I wasted in my youth watchin' TV, when I could have waited until now to watch "Leave it to Beaver"on Hulu.
Either that or why it gives me such great satisfaction to hear another radio station playing the top forty by Casey Kasum from some random year in the seventies.
Now that's some good music.

Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid’ll eat ivy too
Wouldn’t you?

Jist remember, you heard it here first from MT Noggin.

Abundance -- now an app at the Android Store!! -- click here to download.

Go to Simple Helix for the best web hosting!!

Listen to live episodes of “Abundance” every Sunday night
on K-talk radio at 7 PM MST (9 PM EST, 6 PM PST)

Subscription through Paypal
Click here to subscribe for 99 cents a month -- first week FREE!!
Keep this website funded by donating today!!

Snow, Stoplights, Airports and Valentine's Day

MT Noggin

Click here for a complete INDEX

Snow, Stoplights, Airports and Valentine's Day

Podcast Powered By Podbean

Click on the player to hear an audio version of this piece.

That melodic tune must mean it’s time for another episode of philosophy by Markus Tenacious Noggin.
You know when I was dropped on my head by a doctor I stood right up and gave him an earful’s worth. That’s why my mother said, “Mark my words, that’s one tenacious arguer.” And so she named me -- Markus Tenacious Noggin.
MT Noggin at your service.

Whistling

I don’t know what it is about that guy who is just before me here and his high-falutin’ words. I told him I should come in here and talk some common sense.

We did have a little snow today. The missus used to say it warn’t winter without some snow. I dunno, there were some crazy people drivin’ around on Sunday today way too fast, passin’ me at the stop light to get ahead ‘a me ‘cause I ain’t stoppin’ fast enough.

Where they goin’ so fast on a Sunday? Maybe they want to get there to watch the other people be late. But as the good news is now, they’re in front ‘a me and I don’t have to worry about them crashin’ into the back ‘a my truck. Yeah, that never works out well for a car.

Here’s some random topics from MT Noggin:

I been thinkin’ about them airports. I used to walk the wings on those bi-planes. You know those blimps and zeppleins. I was there when the Hindenburg exploded;
lots of fire and the smell of burnin’ rubber.

Now, you gotta take off yur shoes, yur belt, get groped, decide you like it, go back to yur car for the stuff you fergot. Get groped agin. Sit in those tiny seats next to somebody big and smelly, and get sneezed on.

Here’s my advice fer you when the uh, steward or stewardess or flight attendant, if I’m speakin’ correctly, axe you if you want a drink, ask fer the whole can. They’ll give it to yuh. Might as well git yur money’s wurth.

There is something about flying through the air without worrying about road rash at the end, but that’s another story.



Here’s some more random thoughts.

Well the legislature’s in session. Ain’t no one and no where safe when the people’s representatives start to jaw-boning.

This week is Valentine’s day. Is that the only day we say ‘et we love that special someone? All I can say is buy some chocolates and just don’t fergit to take out the garbig.

It’s elections time; all those people jaw-boning agin, trying to become the next leader of the free world -- the world’s worst job.

None of the above is winnin’ in my book, but my vote can still be bought.

This has been another set of random topics by yours truly, MT Noggin.

Just remember you heard it here first from Markus Tenacious Noggin, MT Noggin at you service, just MT most of the time.

Mares eat oats
And does eat oats
And little lambs eat ivy
A kid’ll eat ivy too
Wouldn’t you?

Abundance -- now an app at the Android Store!! -- click here to download.

Go to Simple Helix for the best web hosting!!

Listen to live episodes of “Abundance” every Sunday night
on K-talk radio at 7 PM MST (9 PM EST, 6 PM PST)

Subscription through Paypal
Click here to subscribe for 99 cents a month -- first week FREE!!
Keep this website funded by donating today!!