Gasoline Energy

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Dane Allred’s World of Hurt



GASOLINE ENERGY


When you are a teenager you really feel like you are immortal, and nothing can hurt you. Many teenagers lose their lives driving recklessly and never think about the other accidents they may be causing by their certainty about their immortality. I was the same, and was much too lazy to go to the gas station for gasoline for the lawn mower. I had been mowing lawns for several years by this time, sometimes for my grandmother or her neighbor, but mostly my own lawns. Mowing still gives me enormous satisfaction of accomplishment for some reason.

I had recently learned the art of gas siphoning, although I have never used it to steal gasoline. Usually it was to get gas from one vehicle to another or to fuel something like the lawn mower. I needed to mow the lawn and there was no gas in the mower. There was gas in my car, and a section of garden hose handy.

I became very good at siphoning gas, often being asked by my friends to do the honors since they didn't like the taste of gas in their mouths. I don't blame them, and use this story as a cautionary tale; you don't want gas in your mouth.

Someone has said, "Be an example; or be a very serious warning." Take this as a warning. You don't want gas in your digestive tract. At least not the refined petroleum product called gasoline.

When you siphon gasoline there is a critical moment when the gasoline is traveling through the tube where you want to stop sucking on the end of the hose and put it in the receptacle which is receiving the gas. As it travels up the hose and then down the curve, it creates a vacuum which sucks the rest of the gasoline along with it, and once it gets started downhill, there is no stopping it.

You can usually feel the air beginning to push toward your mouth, and that's the time to detach your mouth. Sucking on a piece of garden hose may not seem like an art, but if you suck gently then all will be well. If you suck too hard, the gas will rush right into your mouth, which is what happened to me on this day.

My mouth was filled with gasoline, which tastes pretty much like it smells. It has an oily taste, but a liquidy consistency, so when my mouth recognized that a liquid was in my mouth, it swallowed. I don't think it was more than a teaspoon because I think more would have killed me.

But since I had the gasoline in the mower, and the lawn still needed mowing, I took a few drinks of pop to wash out the taste and didn't think about it anymore.

Until I had mowed for a few minutes. The taste came back up into my mouth in the form of a gasoline belch, which burns your throat on the way up, fills your mouth with the disgusting taste again, and then fills the air and your nostrils with the distinct odor of a service station.

It was kind of humorous the first few times. Then it became irritating, then discomforting. But I had survived worse than this, so when the mowing was finished, I put the lawn mower away.

I think I went in the house to lie down for a while. When I woke up later I felt somewhat better, but now my stomach was rumbling like a volcano ready to explode, and the cramps it was giving me were doubling me over every few minutes.

After a while it seemed to pass and I went on with my day, trying to forget the gasoline coursing through my system. I'm sure it was cleaning me out, but I don't think any of the additives were meant to clean out people.

Sorry you have to hear this next part, but remember, this is an instructional tale. As the gasoline had cleaned out my intestines it produced a rare end (!) result which I will call flaming elimination. If you have ever had a bowel movement which was painful you may approach the searing pain you will feel as gasoline propelled waste is ejected from your body. It not only burns coming out, it burns after in a rare way usually reserved for those in severe need of hemorrhoid medications. But much, much worse.

I'm glad there wasn't an open flame close by. A flame would have only complicated this unique pain. I have never felt so completely trashed as when I swallowed a bit of gasoline and had the rare treat to endure what refined oil does to the human body.

At least I know now what it feels like to be supercharged.



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