Caesarians

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Caesarians

Birthdays are interesting, but I don’t remember anything about the day I was born. I do have two daughters, and I was at both of their births. The World Health Organization recommends that no more than 15 percent of all births should be by Caesarean, which is where the mother’s abdomen is cut to deliver a child. We have exceeded this by quite a bit in my family. Both of my daughters were born by Caesarean. We have a 100 percent Caesarean rate.

Watching the birth of your own child is an amazing thing. Watching a Caesarean delivery is incredible. We didn’t plan for our first daughter to be born this way, but that’s what happened. We went to birthing classes so I could be at the birth, and we had to watch a special video on Caesarean delivery just in case. After about 18 hours in labor, my wife was getting very tired, and the process was stressing the baby, so the doctor’s told me to go scrub up and get ready to watch my first child delivered by cutting my wife open. I was only away from my wife’s side for a few minutes, but that was the only time I was really worried. I hoped nothing would happen while I was away. In surgery, everyone looked very serious, and watching a doctor use a scalpel on your wife stomach is a nerve-wracking experience, but it had to be worse for my wife, who was conscious and watching a man approach her with a sharp instrument.

Surgery is a complicated process where a thousand things can go wrong, but the professionals in our hospitals are very good. I was actually at ease watching them work feverishly to bring my firstborn into this world. It was an amazingly fast process, and very quickly the incision was made, and just as quickly a small face appeared. There was a small cut on her face where the scalpel had gone too deep; where her face had been pressing. All of the operating room personnel looked at me. I smiled, but I think they were wondering if I was going to sue. I was just happy to have everyone all right. Our new daughter was not too happy and was already crying; after all her greeting to the world was a cut to the face. I got to hold here almost immediately, and was assured my entire family was going to be fine.

This was in California, but we were moving and the doctors insisted both mother and daughter stay in the hospital for a week rather than the normal day or two. Then they both got on a plane with my mother-in-law and flew away. I drove a U-haul to our new home.

When our second child was due, it was recommended my wife have another Caesarean. Our second daughter’s delivery was much easier. When a Caesarean is planned, not suddenly needed like our first daughter, then you get to pick a date to have the baby. You even can choose a time of day. I have a pretty poor memory, and it seemed like a good idea to choose November 15th. It was the middle of the month, and since my anniversary is the month before on the 14th, I have been able to remember her birthday. I just don’t remember my anniversary sometimes. Another great advantage to planning the time and date is you can make arrangements at work, get a baby-sitter for the older daughter, and even make it home to relax for the afternoon.

This second Caesarean was much less tense. Everyone knew what to expect. The doctors even provided a mirror so this time my wife could watch the operation. I don’t know why anyone would want to watch a sharp instrument cutting into your own stomach, but she thought it was great. We were both a little apprehensive since there was still a little scar on our first daughter’s face, but the mood in the room was very good. The doctor made sure I had a nice place to sit and watch, and as he started the procedure, he turned to me and asked me if I was okay. I told him, “As long as you aren’t cutting me I am fine.” Everyone thought that was funny, but I was serious. I can’t even watch the needle when I get a shot.

So all the excitement produced two beautiful daughters, and sometimes it makes me wonder what we did back in the good old days before hospitals, doctors, nurses and support staff. I don’t want to go back to those times, but the whole process seems a lot more complicated than back then. But it does make for some memorable moments, and some interesting birth days.

Another 800 word/ 5 minute podcast from "Dane Allred's Partly-colored Dreamocoat". From the program “Abundance”, Dane Allred also presents pieces from "Literature Out Loud". These episodes are broadcast live every Sunday on www.k-talk.com from 7 to 8 p.m. (Mountain Standard Time), and are also available at www.daneallred .com and at www.daneallred.podbean.com. His new book, “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Dane Allred” is available at www.daneallred.com and on eBay. You can also sign up and get automatic downloads as a subscriber at daneallred.podbean or on Apple’s iTunes.

Differently Similar

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Differently Similar

(Music up. Music out.)

I like a world where there are differences, and the incongruity fascinates me. I see a couple walking down the street; one person is glamorous and beautiful, the other a slob. I still don’t know what my wife sees in me, but judging by the other strange pairings I usually see out and about in public, some people have strange standards of what is beautiful and what is ugly.

For us ugly people, it’s really nice there is some tolerance in the world for the unattractive, but the attraction of opposites doesn’t stop there. Every day you can hear warning voices of doom and gloom, and then there’s the opposite side like me who think everything is great with the world.

I wonder about a world where there are people who love to work and work really, really hard. Then there’s me, who prefers to laze about every chance I get. I have to schedule myself pretty tightly or I really don’t get much done, and the regular schedule seems to others to be one of busyness, but really it’s just me trying to keep myself busy.

It makes me sad to see those who go through life unhappy, when there is so much to be happy about in the world. I know there are problems in the world, and the tragedies make me sad, but I don’t have to be this way all the time. There are problems everyone deals with everyday, and yet they seem to find a way to cope. Life is more than sobs and sniffles, but there are times for that, too.

Passion and apathy seem to be polar opposites, too. I’m really amazed at the passion which people have for their hobbies; spending hours and hours doing things others might consider insanity. I’m not prepared here to criticize the interests of others, because I have some hobbies others think are insanity. From windsurfing, skiing and collecting rocks to gardening and selling little trees on EBay, most people just shake their heads and walk away slowly. But what surprises me more is how much apathy fills the world, where it seems many people just don’t care about what is happening anywhere but here. It’s sad to see how self-absorbed some of us have become.

If it doesn’t have to do with us or our family, or maybe those we know, then most of us don’t really care enough to be interested. Can our world expand beyond our living rooms and the television? Do we care enough about our neighborhoods and cities to actually leave the house and do something which doesn’t directly benefit us? Something which might make this world a better place?

What is really interesting about finding out what difference you are here to make is, it changes your perspective. The world becomes a place of possibilities instead of problems; a place where scarcity is replaced plenty; a place where we can love others as ourselves, because we get outside ourselves.

What is it you are here to do? I can’t answer that, but I do know you are here to do something no one else can do. That’s why you are here. You make a difference, and no one but you can determine what that difference is going to be. Perhaps you will be the one to lead us to a happier place where we can all finally get along. This reminds me of what Jonathan Swift said almost 400 years ago. “We have just enough religion to make us hate, but not enough to make us love one another.” Does another 400 years have to pass before we realize we are more alike than we are different?

When I think of all of the time we have wasted persecuting those we hate? Think about the energy it takes to keep all of the enemies in the world hating each other. Let’s think of a way to harness all that time and energy to unite us in purpose and direction. I’m doing my best to try to get us all to be a little more positive; what is it you can do this week to bring about more unity?

Here’s the weekly assignment. Smile instead of frowning when you get cut off in traffic. Wave your whole hand instead of one finger, unless you’re telling me I’m number one. Stop to think about what others may have had to endure this day before you snap at them because you’ve had a bad day. Cheer up someone else by saying “Thank you”. Don’t forget to tell those you care most about how important they are in your life. This whole process starts with us, today, right now. I’m glad we’re all different. It’s why we’re here.

Now go out and get busy.


This is another episode of “Dane Allred’s Partly-colored Dreamcoat”. From the weekly broadcast of “Abundance”. Tune each week from 7 to 8 P.M. Mountain Standard Time (9 to 10 EST) or listen on any web browser at www.k-talk.com.