Jerry Springer Hair

Jerry Springer Hair

I like acting in cheesy commercials. There seems to be a demand for this kind of acting here. One time I was cast in a commercial because the back of my head looked like Jerry Springer’s. It’s not very exciting to know you have been cast because the hair on the back of your head looks like someone elses’s. I don’t even know what the hair on the back of my head looks like. It could be a mess.

So this is another bargain basement commercial and I’m getting one hundred dollars since I don’t have any lines. I have taken another day off work, so basically, I’m probably not making any money. But shooting a commercial can be fun, so I take my chances and show up as Jerry Springer’s hair.

This was a weight loss commercial where two huge women are fighting over a skinny man. I will never understand what all that means, but that’s what the client wanted. There was the typical Jerry crowd, boisterous and ill-mannered. The set looked great, and guess what happened when I showed up?

I was given some lines. Now this may sound like something to be excited about, but I have been hired not to say lines. It’s not that I don’t want lines, but when an actor speaks, the pay is supposed to go up. Like four times as much.

So here’s what I think happened. They didn’t want to spend a lot on the commercial, so the bait and switch is to get me there thinking I won’t have to learn lines, and then tell me when I show up to start studying.

Trying to make the best of a bad situation, I start memorizing the few lines I’ve been given.

The commercial was really convincing. If I was an overweight woman fighting another overweight woman over a skinny guy, I would take the product. They even had a “Jerry Cam” shot where the two women fought on the floor while the camera shot the scene from above. The crowd was great, but I stunk.

No matter how I tried, I couldn’t get the few words out in the correct order. I think it may have been a mental block. After all, how could I give a great performance on poor pay? The only good news from the day is the shooting didn’t take a full 12 hours, but I still got paid for twelve. I even had enough time that afternoon to go complain to my agent. They know the rules and they were upset, or excited to get a bigger commission. Nothing ever happened.

This brings me to why I like to be positive about stuff like this. Sure I’m complaining, but I wasn’t really upset since I know these things tend to work out in the wash. I could spend time worrying about the money I missed, or go on a be positive about the next chance I get to act. It really does work for me, since there have been some really lucrative parts mixed in with the small change.

It reminds me of the time I was a marketing director for a private company. I helped write copy and coordinated printing, which my boss could have done without me. But since he wanted to work on other stuff, I did a great job if I do say so myself. We made a grundle of money, and I was set to get a bonus. I was excited, and wondered what it would be like to get a bonus. As a school teacher I never got a bonus.
The company had made hundreds of thousands of dollars, and my boss made a good profit for himself on another project. I got a $1000 bonus.
I was furious and quit the next week. Looking back, it seems like a strange thing to do since I am a school teacher again, I don’t get bonuses. I never will get more than a ham or turkey at the end of the year.

So what did my temper tantrum accomplish? Who knows? I might have made much more money later, but it really doesn’t matter. It made me understand sometimes it’s not about the money, and throwing a tantrum didn’t help.

So when I get cheated now, I try to keep a good perspective on the outcome. I know there will be other times I’ll be ahead. So when I take a deep breath and get on with life, I know being positive is helping me balance out the highs and lows in life.

It seems kind of silly now. I was showing up to play Jerry Springer’s hair, and I got to say some lines!

Asking an actor to perform – what a terrible thing!


Dane Allred's podcast of this blog from his program "Abundance".

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