Ladder Follies

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Ladder Follies

I’m reminded of this story from a few years ago because I’ve been painting the porch recently. I’ve told a little about it before, but here’s the full version.

It's still the same summer, I'm still painting "elephant" over the old aluminum siding, and if I do say so myself, it is looking very good indeed. I am so pleased with the results I almost can't wait to be done to see how the house looks when completed.

One problem area of the house has been the northwest corner. The ground descends from the front yard where extra dirt had been brought in during construction. The ground is uneven, and painting this high side of the house is a challenge. I had problems several years ago when I tried to paint all the trim green. After falling from this corner and spilling the paint at the same time, I simply quit and left the rest of the back trim brown. After cleaning up green paint off the stucco on the corner, I threw in the towel.

Determined not to be outdone by the corner architecture this time, I had an extra tall and sturdy ladder for painting the trim. Unfortunately, the grape arbor built on that side had grown tremendously during the past years, and I was forced to push the ladder up through vines. All was going well until I reached the dreaded corner. The ladder could be opened for stability, but the arbor wood was in the way. The solution? Lean the ladder against the wood frame of the grape arbor.

I had forgotten these particular posts were not the most stable of the bunch. In fact, as I climbed up to the tallest part of the corner with my feet at least ten feet off the ground; I was reaching to paint sideways. As I leaned in to get the last parts, the grape arbor began to move away from me under the ladder. As the ladder descended in slow motion, it literally took my feet out from underneath me with it. I was now hurtling to the earth from fifteen feet up.

To understand the landing, it's important that I explain that I had watered this section of lawn earlier that day, after having fertilized with the broadcast spreader. The ground was soaked; there were tiny white pieces of fertilizer scattered around. Perhaps the water had softened it up a bit. But the ground did seem very solid.

I landed flat on my back. The wind was knocked out of me, and as I gasped for breath, I realized I was laying in a pool of water , mud and fertilizer. I rolled on my side, and my back popped a bit, which I considered a good sign. At least I could roll, and my back didn't seem to be broken. Popping a couple of vertebrae actually seemed to lessen the pain, but I still didn't know if I could stand up - or even if I should stand up.

As usual, no one else was home for me to even call for help. I had just locked the dogs in the kennel so I could concentrate on painting that obstinate corner. So I couldn't depend on a Lassie moment where Kase or Kurbis could run to the neighbors and somehow communicate that Dane had done it again.

I resigned myself to the fact that I had to rescue myself, and, of course, this wouldn't be the last time. I rolled slowly to my knees and gradually sat up. Besides being covered in mud and ammonium sulfate, I considered myself lucky to be alive, with no broken bones.

I stood slowly and looked at the ladder. The wood arch of the grape arbor was at a 45 degree angle to the ground, with the ladder lying on top of it. I didn't think it was going anywhere. I looked around for the paint - at least this time I hadn't painted the foundation. I put the lid on the paint, let the dogs out of the kennel, took them and the brush in the house and took off my clothes and left them on the back porch.

After putting on some sweats and taking some ibuprofen, I laid down on the bed to marvel at the persistence of my guardian angel. I waited a few days before going back up to paint the heavens, but I knew if I waited too long the back of the house would go undone again. I chose an easy part to paint on the short back side, and regained my ladder confidence back a few strokes at a time. I eventually got the rest of the house painted without falling from a ladder again. Give me a while. I’ll fall again.