It's Hot in Texas

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A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Dane Allred


It’s Hot In Texas

As much as I love flying, there are times when it’s not so much fun. I don’t like standing in lines, and security is usually a hassle, too. I hope I never get as relaxed as the businessman I first flew next to. He was asleep before the plane took off, and woke up after we landed. One time I was on a business trip to Dallas, and it was the middle of a long hot summer.

I really liked the time I spent in Texas. The people were friendly, and except for the heat, it was a nice place. I also visited Houston. But by then I already knew how hot Texas could be. My wife and I went to MD Anderson for some of her cancer treatments. The doctor we were seeing in Houston said to us, “Welcome to the oven.” It really did feel like we were sitting in an oven. But there were some nice things about Houston, like the Miller Outdoor Theatre. They were offering a free show on one of the nights we were there, and so we went to the park to watch “Chorus Line”. Apparently, it was the same production which had just been on Broadway, so we were really excited. So we watched a really excellent show and I sat dripping in the heat. I was really excited for the night to come so things would cool off.

Apparently, this is not something which happens in Houston. The sun went down. The moon came up. I kept waiting for the cool evening breezes to blow in. But it stayed just as hot as when it was daytime. I had never experienced anything like that before, and now when people say it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity, I think I know what they mean. It was eleven o’clock at night when the show ended, and it was just as hot then as when the show had begun. But it was a really good show, and it was free. I like Houston, but I wouldn’t want to live there.

I live in one of the driest states, and we have very low humidity. So when it is 105 degrees, it still doesn’t feel like you are in an oven. I work outside most of the summer, and while it may be hot, there usually is a breeze. And at night, it cools down. People who come here from places like Texas have been heard to declare, “Hey, the shade here works!” I guess that means where they are from, it’s just as hot in the shade as in the sun. Or it’s just as hot during the summer night as during the day. Let’s just say I like my nights cooler than my days, and I like shade that works.
What I learned in Dallas the first time I was in Texas is sometimes it is too hot to fly. I don’t think it affects the plane, but I found out if the runway is made of asphalt and it’s 110 degrees outside, the runway may be too soft for the plane to take off. It is not too hot for the passengers to stay on the plane.

That’s right. We weren’t allowed off the plane. So it’s 110 outside, and who knows how hot it was inside that aluminum tube. We sat there sweltering and sweating. I adjusted the little fans above me, but they were only blowing more hot air onto us. Apparently, the cold air which usually comes from those vents is cold because the plane is high up in the cold air.

I can’t remember how long we sat in the plane waiting for the runway to cool off enough not to melt under us as we took off. It’s one of those Catch 22 situations. You want the plane to take off so you can stop dripping with sweat, but you also want the plane to be able to take off and not get glued to the tarmac by melting asphalt. Do I want to die from heat exhaustion, or do I want to die in a fiery plane crash?

This was more than 20 years ago, and I can still feel the hot, sticky cabin we were sitting in. So I decided to check and see how things were going in Texas this last summer. Let’s talk about San Antonio, which I have never visited, and don’t think I want to see anytime soon, especially in the summer. Last year, the temperature in San Antonio was over 100 degrees. For several days. In fact, for 57 days. Multiplied out, that’s 5700 degrees. The same temperature as an acetylene torch. Let’s just say it was a record-breaking summer for San Antonio.

I’ll bet the shade doesn’t work there either.


This is another episode of “A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Dane Allred”. From the weekly broadcast of “Abundance”. Tune each week from 7 to 8 P.M. Mountain Standard Time (9 to 10 EST) or listen on any web browser at www.k-talk.com.